The first odd thing is that Michael’s in his office, busily typing at his computer. A delivery guy comes in with an overnight envelope — inside of which is a rather large hand-cannon. Oh, no! Is this how Steve Carell leaves the show? The delivery guy starts shooting (while noisy, the gun has neither recoil nor muzzle flash), but Michael’s too fast; he literally dodges the bullets until the revolver is empty. The music swells, Michael draws a pair of automatics and opens fire, and the (now unarmed) delivery guy goes limp against the doorway –although there’s not a drop of blood on him until after we cut away and cut back to him. Michael regards the body and quietly says, “Cleanup on aisle five.”
THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT!
And if you don’t know what Threat Level Midnight is, I’m not sure why you’re reading this, but maybe first you should read this. Back in the real world, Michael THs, “After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of reshooting, and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level Midnight.” Aww, yeah.
After the credits, Erin “drags” Michael into the bullpen to announce that he’s finished his movie and might just let everyone watch it if they really, really want to. Reactions vary, from excited to really excited, with Jim and Pam at the latter end of the spectrum. There’s a flashback to a previous rough-cut screening in the conference room, which Michael shut down when everyone laughed. Well, you know, they thought it was a comedy. As Michael goes to invite Holly, Pam stands up and reminds everyone to behave this time. “Thanks, Mom,” Creed says sincerely.
Holly’s all excited, holding the hand-drawn movie poster Michael made. Oddly, this is the first she’s heard of Michael’s opus. “I can’t wait,” she says. Maybe it would have been better if she’d had to.
Cut to the conference room, where Michael starts the movie and everyone applauds. Michael’s in the back row with Holly so he can see everyone’s reactions. We open on “Scarn Manor” (actually a stock photo of a mansion), where a scrapbook’s worth of clippings is hung on a wall, describing Michael Scarn saving the NFL, MLB, and NBA all star games, and his tragic marriage to Catherine Zeta-Jones (complete with Photoshopped pictures of the Michael and CZJ together, if by “Photoshopped” you mean “nail scissors and Scotch tape). Stanley’s voice narrates that Scarn’s is an interesting story, as we see one last newspaper clipping announcing that Michael Scarn is to retire and become a mild-mannered paper salesman.